


Those Damn Long Islands

by cosmicrecyclingbin



Series: Pirouette-Verse [9]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Funny, M/M, UvoShal, Wedding Reception, drunk kurapika, leopika - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28521714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicrecyclingbin/pseuds/cosmicrecyclingbin
Summary: Shalnark and Uvogin’s wedding reception was already an odd affair, but drunk Kurapika makes it much more entertaining.Poor Leorio.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Machi/Pakunoda, Uvogin | Ubogin/Shalnark
Series: Pirouette-Verse [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033383
Comments: 14
Kudos: 112





	Those Damn Long Islands

**Author's Note:**

> For reference this takes place about a year after Pirouette ends.

Uvogin and Shalnark’s wedding, as expected of the showy couple, was a grand affair.

With an extensive guest list and a location made famous in some big time Hollywood movie that Kurapika had never seen, it was truly the event of the year.

Uvogin had spared _no expense_ to make Shalnark happy.

The ceremony itself was heartfelt and tender, the vows holding subtle humor in their verses. Leorio had sobbed the whole way through, romantic that he was.

For all the glamour of the wedding itself, it was… short.

The reason being that Shalnark wanted a longer reception to get completely and utterly plastered with his friends. How he had managed to convince Uvo to be the designated driver that night, Kurapika probably didn’t want to know.

The grand hall was decked out in tasteful but elegant decor, crystal _everywhere._

When Kurapika had asked why there would be no flowers at the reception, Shalnark had said something along the lines of “ _Some of us have allergies, you useless twink.”_

Kurapika didn’t bother mentioning that fake flowers were a thing.

The massive room had tables all surrounding a large dance floor, and there was to be a sitdown dinner beforehand. Uvogin had wanted a buffet-style affair, but Shalnark threatened to call the whole thing off so Uvo dropped it.

  
  


Here’s the thing about Shalnark’s plot to get everyone drunk.

It had really started _before_ the wedding, when Shalnark had insisted that everyone helping him get ready took shots with him in the dressing room.

For most people, one shot probably wouldn’t have done much.

But Kurapika didn’t drink often enough to have any semblance of a tolerance, so by the time he had his third glass of champagne at dinner, he was feeling pretty floaty.

He sat back, relaxed in his chair as conversation happened around him, glass in hand. Seemingly oblivious, Leorio sat at his side, chatting away to Pairo about something or other. He didn’t notice anything amiss until he tried to get the blonde’s input on something.

“-urapika? _Hello?”_ He snapped out of his trance as his boyfriend waved a hand in front of his face.

“Huh? Sorry, what?” He turned towards Leorio who was arching a brow.

“Are you alright? You really zoned out there.”

“Uh-“

“He’s already half wasted,” Pairo sighed, rolling his eyes like it was a personal offense.

“I am _not,”_ the dancer insisted, forgetting that he had a full glass in his hand and crossing his arms, sloshing champagne all over Leorio. Leorio’s shocked face was evidently hilarious because he immediately busted into a fit of giggles.

Leorio and Pairo shared a look as the doctor dabbed at his jacket with his napkin.

"I'm going to go clean up, I'll be right back okay?"

Kurapika frowned and huffed, "Fine, but you better get back before the dancing starts."

"I will, I will," Leorio stood from his chair and kissed the top of Kurapika’s head. 

"Can I trust you to look after him while I'm gone?" He arched a brow at Pairo.

"Pft of course, I got this," Pairo shooed him away.

Leorio looked between the two before nodding and going off to look for the restroom.

  
  


Leorio had only been gone for about ten minutes. 

He was _positive_ it was only ten. 

So when he walked back over to the table he was incredibly surprised and confused to find Kurapika surrounded by four empty glasses and holding a half empty one in his hand. Leorio knew _exactly_ what he was drinking. He turned to Pairo, who looked unbothered. 

_"You let him have_ **_five_ ** _Long Islands?!"_

"Look you told me to _look_ after him, not prevent him from having a good time," Pairo slurped the straw of his own mixed drink. 

Kurapika was completely oblivious, having shed his tuxedo jacket and untied his bow tie, which hung loose around his neck.

Leorio gently took the drink from his boyfriend's hand, "Okay, Sunshine, I think it's time to cut you off."

Kurapika _whined_.

"Oh come on, Doc, what's the worst that could happen," Pairo arched a brow. 

"I don't know if you recall, but the last time he had this much alcohol **_I_ **happened."

"But look how nicely that worked out for you both," he wiggled his eyebrows.

Leorio sighed and shook his head, sitting back down and sipping the drink himself.

The room lights suddenly went down and a spotlight shown on the dance floor. The MC for the night, aka Uvogin’s bestest best man, Nobunaga, who was fresh off a heart-felt speech about how he had introduced the two, announced the couple's first dance.

The pair took their spots on the dance floor and there was a dramatic pause before the music started.

It.. wasn't really what Leorio was expecting. Judging by the faces of those around him, they weren’t expecting it either.

_"What the hell is that?"_

Pairo chuckled and shook his head, “ _That,_ my friend, is _Ringtone_ by 100 gecs.”

“Uh-“

“Look, this is the better option. Until nine o’clock this morning, Hisoka was going to sing the wedding remix of _WAP_ for their first dance. Shal’s mom put her foot down about it though and said she wouldn’t show up if they went through with that. This is the compromise.”

“Huh...Okay… Where _is_ Hisoka? And Illumi? I haven’t seen them since the procession.”

Pairo rolled his eyes, “Probably off in a broom closet together. Weddings make them horny.”

“What _doesn’t_ make them horny?,” Leorio shook his head.

It was then that a sniffle and a whimper caught their attention and they turned to look at Kurapika, nose running and tears streaming down his face.

“Oh no, what’s up Sunshine?” Leorio cupped his cheek, wiping his tears away.

“I - _hicc-_ I wanna dance too,” the tone of his voice was absolutely **heart wrenching** and Leorio and Pairo had to stifle laughs behind their hands.

“We can go dance in a little while, okay babe?”

“But what if-if - _hicc-_ If the music goes away?”

Leorio shot Pairo a glare across the table as the brunette wheezed.

“It won’t go away for a while, baby, I promise,” the doctor soothed, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair.

Unfortunately, at that exact moment, the song ended. And another did not immediately start.

Kurapika looked up at Leorio as if he’d broken his heart.

_“You_ **_lied._ ** _You_ **_lied_ ** _to me. You’re a_ **_liar.”_ **

Leorio didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Pairo seemed to be doing both.

Music finally did start again, but Kurapika took no notice, busy scooting himself as far away from the doctor as possible.

And then he started angrily ranting in a language Leorio did not understand. He turned to Pairo and gestured vaguely at the blonde.

“What is happening right now?!”

“Ahaha.. wow he hasn’t done that since freshman year of college. In high school Pika had a really big _LOTR_ phase and learned how to read, write, and speak Elvish. Whenever we would go to parties and get blitzed it would slip out every once in a while,” Pairo grabbed another glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

“So he’s cussing me out in a fictional language? Fantastic. That’s just great,” Leorio took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes.

“Uh, is Kurapika okay?” Came the voice of Machi behind Pairo. Pakunoda was at her side, arm around her waist. They both looked concerned.

“Well…” Pairo began, “Yes and no.”

“He’s very drunk,” Leorio added. He realized that the nonsensical chatter had dropped off and looked over to find Kurapika staring at him with a wide, love-struck expression.

“Uh, yes?”

“You have pretty eyes.”

Leorio’s ears and neck heated. Pairo and Machi shared a knowing look while Pakunoda gave a soft smile and a shake of her head.

“He’s really out this time.”

Leorio couldn’t even respond as the blonde took his cheeks in his hands and pressed their noses together.

“They're almost as pretty as my boyfriend’s.”

Pairo choked on his sip of champagne and even the normally stoic makeup artist doubled over in laughter at Leorio’s bewildered expression.

“Huh… you don’t say…”

Kurapika rubbed his palms against Leorio’s stubbly cheeks.

“ _Itchy.”_

Leorio pursed his lips, “Mhm.”

“Are you recording this?” Pakunoda asked and Leorio turned towards Pairo who was smirking, holding his phone up.

“For posterity.”

The music changed and Kurapika’s glazed over scarlet eyes widened, “Oh _this is my jam.”_

He scrambled to get out of his chair and tugged on Leorio’s arm, “Come on, I gotta dance right now.”

Leorio looked to the other three for help and they all suddenly had something better to look at.

Leorio gave a long-suffering sigh and let himself be dragged onto the dance floor.

  
  


Even while drunk, Kurapika was a good dancer, which to Leorio was horribly unfair. Leorio was _decent_ but he could admit to himself that having a professional ballerino as his partner made him feel a bit less cool than he did when he was single.

Sober ballet dancer Kurapika and drunk club dancer Kurapika were two different people.

The thing about drunk Kurapika was that every move he made was serpentine. From his fingers to his toes he would twist and roll and do all sorts of things that would look dumb on anyone else but on him looked _sexy._

As more people clamored onto the dance floor it became a bit stifling and Kurapika began _unbuttoning his shirt_ much to Leorio’s dismay.

“Now whoa there Hot Rod,” the doctor grabbed his hands half way down his chest, before he could go any further, “Now let’s not cause any heart attacks, okay?”

Kurapika pouted before seeming to get a better idea and reached for _Leorio’s_ buttons.

“Oh no, nope not happening,” He took the blonde’s hands again and made him do a little spin, “Jeez I guess tequila really _does_ make your clothes come off. And vodka… And Gin… and-“

Kurapika was laughing at him. He shook his head and pulled the blonde close.

“You are just bound and determined to make trouble tonight, aren’t you?”

Kurapika seemed to mull over the question before nodding, “Yes.”

Leorio chuckled, letting go of the dancer’s hands to wrap his arms around his waist as the music changed to something slower.

“You know, you’re really gonna hate yourself in the morning.”

“Hm? Oh _naaaah._ Not me. But you’ll be in trouble,” Kurapika grinned.

“Oh? And why is that?”

“If my boyfriend sees us together he’ll kick your _-hicc-_ ass.”

Leorio stifled a laugh.

“O-Oh? Really? I bet I could take him.”

Kurapika shook his head so vigorously that he made himself dizzy.

“Nope. No w- _hicc- way._ He’s tall and he’s muscle-y and he has a _doctorate degree.”_

Leorio laughed so hard his eyes filled with tears.

Kurapika pouted.

“Hello, hello pals, are you enjoying the party?” Shalnark shimmied up to the pair, bopping to the beat of the next song that began to play.

“ _Shalnark!_ No one told me _you_ were gonna be here!” Kurapika detached himself from Leorio and flung himself at the groom who looked rightfully perplexed.

“Uh, hey… well it is _my_ wedding reception.”

Kurapika seemed content to hold on to Shalnark’s waist, wobbling side to side in an awkward boogie. Shalnark arched a brow at Leorio.

“Don’t look at me, this is all you and Pairo.”

“It’s not fair that the professional stick in the mud is having more fun than me,” Shalnark frowned, “I need another drink.”

He turned and trudged toward the open bar, Kurapika still plastered to his front.

Leorio followed them, massaging his temples.

  
  


Shalnark finally managed to peel the other blonde off of him so he could order something and Kurapika crossed his arms and pouted.

Leorio arched a brow.

“What’s up with you, Sunshine?”

“It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?” Leorio asked as the groom walked back over with his drink in hand.

“How come Shalnark and Uvogin got married, but you and I didn’t?”

Shalnark choked on his drink as he busted into laughter and Leorio went pale as a sheet.

“Oh _now_ you remember who I am?”

Kurapika’s scowl deepened.

“Uh, well, you see- Shalnark help me out here,” Leorio tugged on his shirt collar.

“Oh no, this is too funny, carry on,” he sipped his drink idly.

“Unbelievable.”

Kurapika was still staring at him with an unimpressed scowl.

“Today is _Shalnark’s_ special day, okay? You can’t encroach on other people’s special days.”

Kurapika blinked as if he was waiting for him to keep going.

“And.. uh. I mean, we haven’t really _discussed…”_ He looked away, scratching the back of his burning neck.

Kurapika’s attention seemed drawn somewhere else, “Oh look Illumi and Hisoka are here.”

Leorio sighed, “Oh? How about we go see them. And get you some water.”

Kurapika latched on to his arm and stumbled slightly as they began to walk.

“You two have fun,” Shalnark smirked, raising his glass.

Leorio shot him a menacing look.

When they reached the table Kurapika took the liberty of climbing into and laying down across Hisoka and Illumi’s laps.

“Kurapika _really?”_

Hisoka laughed and his partner awkwardly patted the blonde head on his thigh.

“Now this is entertaining. It would seem your sweetheart is rather sloshed, doctor”

Leorio nodded to the redhead, shrugging, “Yea, he’s had quite a bit. I’m coming to terms with having to be the ringmaster of this circus. I don’t know how I handled drunk Kurapika when we met.”

“You were also drunk, weren’t you?”

“Touché…”

“At any rate, it would seem your job just got a bit easier,” Illumi gestured, “He’s asleep.”

Leorio snorted and shook his head, stepping up and moving the table back.

“It’s hardly a job,” he smiled, scooping his boyfriend up in his arms, “More like… an adventure.”

“You’re a good man, Dr. Paladiknight,” Hisoka grinned, taking a sip of his champagne.

“Well you know what they say,” he adjusted his hold, “You are what you eat.”

His eyes widened and he shook his head, adamantly ignoring the other couple’s faces.

  
  


“Huh… those damn Long Islands really will make you say anything…”

  
  


Leorio managed to quickly wrangle together their things, say goodbye to the grooms, and get a cab all with Kurapika in his arms.

It was quite the feat if he did say so himself.

As he waited on the sidewalk, cradling his boyfriend, the man roused. He blinked a couple of times before registering Leorio’s face. His eyes suddenly lidded and he smirked, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“You know what? I’m - _hicc-_ a ballerina. If you take me home with you I can prove it.”

Leorio’s face flushed.

“You know, I have the strangest feeling of deja vu right now.”

“Does that mean you aren’t going to take me home?” Kurapika pouted against his neck.

“Oh don’t you worry your pretty head about _that_ Sunshine. I most certainly am taking you home. So that I can get you some water and some ibuprofen and tuck you into bed.”

“I _hate you,”_ the blonde gave a pitiful sob as the cab pulled up.

  
  


“That’s fine,” Leorio chuckled as he opened the car door, “ _You'_ _ll love me tomorrow._ ”


End file.
